WASHINGTON—Blasting the Middle Eastern nation for the brutal assault on the Olympic figure skater, President Donald Trump claimed Tuesday that Iran was behind the infamous 1994 attack on Nancy Kerrigan. “It is because of the crazed actions of the Ayatollah that a world-class athlete was cut down in her prime,” said…

WASHINGTON—Informing those in her professional life of her career plans, outgoing White House press secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders reportedly told colleagues Friday she would be serving for a time as CEO of Google before gradually taking on a permanent position as the sultan of Brunei. “It’s been the honor of my…

ANTARCTICA—Cackling as they stuffed a rag into the Democratic governor’s mouth and tied his hands behind his back, the DNC reportedly tossed a bound Jay Inslee onto a melting iceberg Friday and pushed him out to sea. “Well, well, well, if it isn’t my good friend Mr. Inslee! Tell me, sir, as a Democratic candidate—is…

TOKYO—Triumphantly pounding his chest as he slammed his feet down in the ring for the first time in weeks, former U.S. president Jimmy Carter was reportedly back on the elite sumo wrestling circuit Monday, despite have undergone hip surgery less than a month ago. “It was tough for Jimmy to be away from the sport this…