Melania Trump’s Plane Forced To Make Emergency Landing After Smoke Begins Billowing Out Of First Lady

WASHINGTON—In what is being described as a “close call” for the aircraft’s passengers and crew, sources reported that Melania Trump’s plane was forced to turn around and make an emergency landing Wednesday after thick plumes of smoke began billowing out of the first lady. “There was a strong burning smell, and as soon…

State Election Commission Chases Wild Animals Out Of Voting Booths In Preparation For Upcoming Midterms

NASHVILLE, TN—Hastily shooing away the varmints with corn whisk brooms, members of the Tennessee State Election Commission reportedly drove a pack of wild animals out of local voting booths Tuesday in preparation for the upcoming midterm election. “Y’all critters ain’t welcome in this here polling place—go on, get!”…

Calm, Measured Trump Hard At Work After Freak Accident Leaves Him With Railroad Spike Lodged In Skull

WASHINGTON—Logging countless hours in the Oval Office between warmly greeting foreign diplomats, an unusually serene and well-spoken President Trump was hard at work Thursday, industriously shepherding environmental and civil rights bills through Congress just days after a freak accident left a railroad spike lodged…

Senator Feinstein Wondering If Now A Good Time To Disclose 7 Highly Credible Murder Allegations Against Kavanaugh She Received Weeks Ago

WASHINGTON—Weighing the importance of the information against the potential political fallout, Senator Dianne Feinstein (D-CA) debated Friday whether or not now might be a prudent time to introduce into discussion the seven highly credible murder accusations against Brett Kavanaugh that were given to her in August.…