Advisors Instruct William Barr To Avoid Referring To Trump As ‘My Liege’ During Confirmation Hearing

WASHINGTON—In an effort to prepare the nominee to speak in front of the Senate, advisors to Donald Trump’s attorney general pick William Barr reportedly instructed him Monday to avoid referring to the president as “my liege” during his confirmation hearing. “Mr. Barr, we recommend you eliminate the phrase ‘His…

Exhausted Robert Mueller Turns Off Phone To Give Himself Breather From Russia Probe News Over Holiday Break

WASHINGTON—Desperate to unwind after months of nonstop work investigating Russian influence in the 2016 election, visibly exhausted Special Counsel Robert Mueller powered his phone down Friday in order to give himself a break from any news concerning the probe over the holiday break. “The last thing I want when I’m…

Trump Administration Launches Human Rights Investigation Into Senate’s Harsh Treatment Of Mohammad Bin Salman

WASHINGTON—Decrying the Senate’s resolution blaming the crown prince for the brutal torture and murder of journalist Jamal Khashoggi as “a cruel, inhumane, and unprecedented interference into a sovereign kingdom’s internal affairs,” the Trump administration launched a human rights investigation Monday into the…

Michael Cohen Completes First Stage Of Intricate Plan To Break Incarcerated Brother Out Of Prison From Inside

NEW YORK—After receiving a three-year sentence in a federal penitentiary for tax evasion, campaign finance violations, misleading a bank, and lying to Congress, Michael Cohen completed the first of stage of his intricate plan to break his incarcerated brother out of prison from the inside, sources confirmed Wednesday.…

Orrin Hatch Delivers Farewell Address From Coffin Descending Into Plot Dug In Middle Of Senate Floor

WASHINGTON—Marking the end of the longest tenure of any Republican senator in U.S. history, Orrin Hatch (R-UT) delivered his farewell address to colleagues Wednesday from a coffin being lowered into an open grave on the floor of the Senate. “It has been the honor of my life to serve my country these past 42 years in…

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