Jared And Ivanka Holding Each Other At Gunpoint In Kitchen After Simultaneously Revealing Undercover Identities

WASHINGTON—Both shouting “FBI, you’re under arrest!” as they grabbed hidden pistols from behind the refrigerator and the back of the pantry, Jared Kushner and Ivanka Trump were reportedly holding each other at gunpoint in their kitchen Monday after simultaneously revealing their undercover identities. “I’m afraid

Roy Moore On Pedophilia Accusers: ‘These Women Are Only Discrediting Me Now Because Shifting Sociocultural Norms Have Created An Environment In Which Assault Allegations Are Taken Seriously’

MONTGOMERY, AL—Waving off the current allegations against him as vicious attempts to sabotage his election bid, Alabama Senate candidate Roy Moore told reporters Monday that the women accusing him of pedophilia were only doing so now because “shifting sociocultural norms have created an environment in which assault…

While I May Disagree With His Choice Of Words, I Fully Support The President In Whatever It Is You’re Talking About That He Just Did

We all know the president has a personal style that can, on occasion, be less than delicate, even a bit abrasive. Remember, though, Donald Trump is new to governing. He may not be a polished politician, but I can assure you his heart is in the right place. And while I may disagree with his phrasing or approach in this…

White House Announces Obamacare Exchange Now Only Accessible From Single Kiosk In Remote Iowa Cornfield

WASHINGTON—Stating that the new system is pursuant with the regulations laid out by the Affordable Care Act, the White House announced Friday that the government’s health insurance exchanges would now only be accessible from a single kiosk in a remote Iowa cornfield. “All Americans wishing to sign up for health…

Trump Boys Attempting To Tunnel From South Lawn To FBI Headquarters To Free Paul Manafort From Custody

WASHINGTON—Armed with all the special tools they’d need for the mission, Eric Trump and Donald Trump Jr. on Wednesday were reportedly attempting to build a tunnel from the White House South Lawn to FBI Headquarters in order to free Paul Manafort from custody. “We’re gonna sneak into the jail from below, rescue him,…

‘I’ll Make Those Bastards Pay,’ Teary-Eyed Mueller Whispers Into Locket Containing Photo Of James Comey

WASHINGTON—After issuing indictments against former Trump campaign associates Paul Manafort and Rick Gates on Monday, a teary-eyed Robert S. Mueller III reportedly whispered, “I’ll make those bastards pay,” into a locket containing a photo of James Comey. “I’ll never forget what those sons of bitches did to you,” said…