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11/14/19
12:21 PM

WASHINGTON—Rocking back and forth on the tile floor as he averted his eyes from the disgustingly suggestive entryway hardware, Vice President Mike Pence was reportedly against a bathroom wall for hours Thursday following an encounter with a doorknob resembling the female breast. “Come on, Mikey, snap out of it…stand

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11/7/19
2:52 PM

WASHINGTON—Dealt another setback in their attempt to find a 2020 prospect they deem suitably centrist, Democratic National Committee leaders buried their heads in their hands after a new moderate presidential recruit immediately walked into oncoming traffic, sources confirmed Thursday. “For crying out loud, he didn’t

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