Illustration for article titled Aides Say Bannon Was Not On The Record When He Issued Deafening, Atonal Howl That Caused Journalist’s Skull To Explode

WASHINGTON—Saying that the huge breach of trust clearly violated journalistic ethics, White House aides confirmed Thursday that Chief Strategist Steve Bannon was not on the record when he issued the deafening, atonal howl that caused a reporter’s head to explode. “Mr. Bannon’s unbroken three-hour shriek was given in total confidence and was in no way intended for publication,” said White House aide Tim Vaughn, adding that it was mutually understood that the punishing vocalization that splattered chunks of bone and bloody grey matter across the room was intended as background only. “Unfortunately, this is just another flagrant attempt by the mainstream media to undermine the president, using privileged skull-shattering wails out of context and without permission to generate bias against the administration.” At press time, Trump was reportedly beginning to suspect that it was Bannon himself who had leaked all the previous cranium-bursting shrieks to the press.


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