‘I Don’t Think The Democrats Even Work Out Of It Anymore, Sir,’ Say White House Advisors

Illustration for article titled Aides Trying To Talk Trump Out Of Sending Associates To Break Into Watergate Office Complex em/em

WASHINGTON—Stressing the importance of thinking long and hard about what a scandal like that could do to his career, White House aides spent hours Thursday trying to talk Donald Trump out of sending associates to break into the Watergate office complex. “Mr. President, I don’t think anyone from the DNC has worked there in decades, and even if they did, now might not be the best time to do something like that,” said White House Chief of Staff John Kelly, who was joined by several top advisors in telling Trump that, although the idea was interesting, he might want to consider holding off on sending five men to trespass on private property and set up wiretaps in the Watergate offices. “Sir, I hate the Democrats as much as anyone, but I can’t in good conscience say that having your associates disguise themselves as Cuban Freedom Fighters, bug several phones, and then orchestrate an elaborate cover-up is something I would recommend. Also, with all due respect, President Trump, I think an academic publishing company works there now.” At press time, Kelly and his fellow aides were reportedly urging the 45th President of the United States not to tamper with any tapes he’d recorded about a potential DNC break-in.

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