Former Pennsylvania senator Rick Santorum announced his candidacy for the 2016 presidential election on Wednesday, bringing the runner-up from the 2012 Republican primaries officially into the race. Here’s what you need to know about Santorum:

  • Age: 23 years younger than average supporter
  • Birthplace: America he barely recognizes anymore
  • Campaign Goals: Keep the rampant liberalism in the Republican party in check
  • Economic Platform: More of a social issues guy
  • Trademark Look: Suit, tie
  • Debate Strategy: Hoping to be permitted to watch from green room
  • Hobbies: Searching for intelligently designed life on other planets
  • Views On Hardcore Pornography: Included in presidential platform
  • Motivation For Running: Kill some time before going to Heaven
  • Biggest Controversy: Is presidential candidate

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