WESTERVILLE, OH—Jockeying to have their questions heard over the other anchors and journalists crowded around the table’s microphones, 16 pundits reportedly crowded the CNN moderator desk Tuesday night after qualifying for the fourth democratic debate. “Mr. Sanders, what do you say to concerns about your health after—Excuse me, Mr. Cooper, let me finish my question,” said Chris Cuomo, raising his voice and elbowing his way towards the microphone to cut off Fareed Zakaria, Erin Burnett, Brooke Baldwin, and nearly a dozen other CNN news hosts and interviewers who secured a seat at the densely packed table by polling above 2% among cable viewers. “Sir! Sir! Let me just ask the former vice president one last thing about his son’s dealings with Burisma. I’ve earned my place at this desk tonight, and I can’t help but wonder why Don Lemon is getting the lion’s share of the time to address the candidates. Why not allow the American people to decide which of our moderation styles they prefer?” At press time, all 16 moderators had shifted into their closing question and were speaking in unison to ask exactly how the candidates would pay for their ambitious proposals without raising taxes on the middle class.
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