Congress just returned from recess, and they are faced with a hugely ambitious agenda. Here’s what they will focus on over the next several months.


Pass a replacement of DACA for Trump to sign and campaign against in 2020


Vote on some shit about wetlands that Congressman Keith Rothfus won’t shut up about


Decide what each of them would be if they were all candy bars


Pass a sweeping healthcare law specifically designed to keep John McCain alive long enough to vote for a full repeal of Obamacare

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Get bill that says tax somewhere on it to president’s desk


Shatter the debt ceiling


Let loose with some free-form indignant shouting


Come together as a united bipartisan front to name a few post offices after Jerry Lewis

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Though they have a packed schedule, lawmakers would still like to strip healthcare from 22 million Americans when they have a free minute