Conservatives Accuse Nature Of Silencing Right-Wing Voices After Sheldon Adelson Dies At 87

Illustration for article titled Conservatives Accuse Nature Of Silencing Right-Wing Voices After Sheldon Adelson Dies At 87

WASHINGTON—Insisting the billionaire’s demise would have a chilling effect on democracy, conservatives accused nature Tuesday of silencing right-wing voices after GOP mega-donor Sheldon Adelson died at 87. “It’s disgusting and frankly un-American that nature decided it had the right to unilaterally end Sheldon Adelson’s existence after nearly nine decades of being alive,” said Republican Congressman Jim Jordan, who, along with others in his party, promised to bring an investigation against the concept of time for its role in abruptly stifling the casino magnate just days after Trump supporters rioted inside the Capitol. “Tell me, why is Ronald Reagan dead but Jimmy Carter still alive? I’ll tell you, it’s anti-conservative bias. The Declaration of Independence guarantees every American the right to life, and I’m not going to sit idly by while the laws of biology muzzle great patriots like Mr. Adelson. People dying of old age is what happens in China or Nazi Germany, not the great U.S. of A.” At press time, right-wing leaders were urging fellow Republicans to boycott nature by setting fire to their lawns.

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