PARADISE, NV—In an effort to ensure the most relevant topics are addressed during the third and final presidential debate, organizers revealed Tuesday that the first 15 minutes of the event would be set aside to focus on whatever major Donald Trump revelation comes out between now and then. “Though covering the candidates’ positions on subjects like immigration and entitlement reform is critical, we’ve also blocked off an entire 15-minute segment at the beginning to discuss whatever bombshell information comes out about Trump before Wednesday night,” said moderator Chris Wallace, adding that the allotted time would be dedicated solely to scrutinizing any new accusations of criminal conduct from Trump’s past or outrageous statements uttered by the candidate himself that emerge in the next 36 hours. “From watching the last debate, we learned that you need to set aside a substantial amount of time to delve into whatever damning allegations or leaked videos surface right before the debate, otherwise there’s no way you can adequately cover it all. I just hope 15 minutes is enough—we might have to cut the section on foreign policy.” Wallace added that in the unlikely event that any time remained after discussing the new revelations, the rest of the segment would be turned over to the candidates for hurling insults and disparaging remarks.

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