Democrat Party: Moving Left Vs. Remaining Moderate

As the Democratic presidential primaries heat up and the party hopes to defeat President Trump in 2020, fierce debate has raged about whether it should stake out more left-wing political positions or remain moderate. The Onion breaks down what’s at stake in the debate over the Democratic Party’s future.


Obamacare:

Moving Left: Replace with Medicare for all

Remaining Moderate: It’s unrealistic to believe we can fight death


Foreign Policy:

Moving Left: Respect other nations’ right to self-determination

Remaining Moderate: 10% less than whatever Dick Cheney would do


Donor Rewards:

Moving Left: “I Donated” bumper sticker

Remaining Moderate: Ambassadorship to Andorra


Favorite Van Halen Album:

Moving Left: Diver Down

Remaining Moderate: 1984


Climate Change:

Moving Left: The free market shows no signs of solving this problem

Remaining Moderate: Yeah, but it still might


Immigration:

Moving Left: Reform-based

Remaining Moderate: Résumé-based


Trade War With China:

Moving Left: When the brazen, uncontrollable Trump administration tosses bricks into the windows of international business, it can’t expect tangible results

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Remaining Moderate: We should be doing this to Russia instead


Taxes:

Moving Left: Rich individuals pay more

Remaining Moderate: I am rich


Infighting:

Moving Left: Pro

Remaining Moderate: Pro


Chance Of Beating Trump:

Moving Left: Does everyone think he’s just going to leave if a Democrat wins?

Remaining Moderate: Seriously, these people really think he’s just going to say, “Oh, okay, time to leave,” and just waltz out of there? Get real.

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