This week, Donald Trump unveiled his plan for addressing immigration as president, a series of core principles that specify his heretofore generalized statements about America’s relationship with immigrants. Here are the items detailed in Trump’s outline:

  • Construction of world-class border wall featuring hundreds of miles of sand traps and water hazards
  • Improved visa application will require immigrants to declare if they are rapist thugs
  • Creates robust Border Beauties division of Immigration and Customs Enforcement
  • Concierge and personal valet service across border for Mexicans with net worth of over $5 million
  • Clause allowing Trump to deport any current American citizens he deems pathetic and classless as well
  • U.S. citizenship application process to require recommendation letters from current notable U.S. citizens
  • Establishes long-term, forward-looking plan to find new nationality to scapegoat for America’s problems by 2035
  • Admission that U.S. economy will suffer quite a bit