President Obama unveiled Monday a plan to increase the country’s clean power usage that many are calling the strongest action ever taken by a U.S. president to combat the effects of climate change. Here are some key details of Obama’s climate change plan:

  • Immediate removal of smokestacks atop White House
  • Designates team of workers to cool down planet‚Äôs hottest surfaces with damp towels and washcloths
  • Increases wind by 80 million gusts
  • Provides state governments with template for lawsuit to file in federal court
  • Sets aside a couple ecosystems to decimate every few years to release repressed environmentally destructive energy
  • Creates $500 tax credit for homeowners who install rooftop nuclear reactors
  • Encourages citizens to choose more environmentally friendly method of suicide than running car in garage
  • Serves as major legacy-builder for Obama until presidential system is forgotten in catastrophic, drought-ravaged Black Times beginning in 2047

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