WASHINGTON—Instructing him to hold still while he connected the various wires, sources confirmed Thursday that Eric Trump hooked his older brother Donald Jr. up to an Xbox, iPad, and Roomba in order to practice passing a polygraph test. “We gotta do this a bunch of times because the machine can use your heartbeats to read your mind and tell if you’re lying or not,” said Eric, who taped USB and headphone cables to his brother’s chest and then directed him to rest one of his hands on the Roomba so it could detect any trembling caused by anxiety about not telling the truth. “Okay, I’ll monitor your brain on the iPad. If you have to fib, picture something nice while doing it because that will confuse the lie detector. Okay, first question: Are you a Russian spy?” At press time, Eric declared the results inconclusive after grabbing the Xbox controller and deciding to play Injustice 2 instead.
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