‘You Shan’t Ask Me About Our Shops, Papa, For I Am Forbidden To Say!’ Chides President’s Son

WASHINGTON—Saying he had solemnly sworn to never breathe a word concerning such affairs, Eric Trump scolded his father Friday that he mustn’t inquire about the businesses. “No, Papa, speaking of the shops is simply forbidden!” said the 33-year-old, telling his father that such gossiping about the company was most improper, and what’s more, that it simply would not do to betray the points of honor by discussing pecuniary goings-on. “Need I remind you that we have taken the most sacred of oaths upon this very matter? Why, what would dear grandpapa Frederick think if we were to violate them? So you see, dear father, I musn’t and I shan’t! Indeed, I will stop up my ears with wax before I entertain another syllable of this inquiry.” At press time, Trump had fled the room in distress, saying he must leave forthwith lest he hear one more question on this most vexing of topics.

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