Illustration for article titled Exhausted Robert Mueller Turns Off Phone To Give Himself Breather From Russia Probe News Over Holiday Breakem/em

WASHINGTON—Desperate to unwind after months of nonstop work investigating Russian influence in the 2016 election, visibly exhausted Special Counsel Robert Mueller powered his phone down Friday in order to give himself a break from any news concerning the probe over the holiday break. “The last thing I want when I’m spending time with my family is a cascade of push notifications telling me yet another Russian oligarch, political operative, or highly placed socialite used Deutsche Bank channels to funnel money to the campaign,” said the former FBI director, firmly holding down his phone’s power button and adding that he wants to be “completely present in the moment” while celebrating with his loved ones, not ruminating about who met with which diplomat or whether someone was using social media to tamper with his witnesses. “I just want to have two calm weeks where I don’t even think about Individual One. I won’t even say his name. I’ll have to wait to hear about any important developments in January, since I just know the second I read, say, something about Eric being involved more deeply than we previously suspected, I’ll get pulled back in and ruin my whole vacation.” At press time, Mueller had reactivated his phone just to check the news real quick. 


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