Illustration for article titled Firebrand John McCain Demands Immediate Investigation Into Why He Remaining Complicit

WASHINGTON—Demanding that Congress intervene immediately in the alarming situation, firebrand Sen. John McCain (R-AZ) demanded an investigation Tuesday into why he’s chosen to remain complicit in all of this, sources reported. “Frankly, we need an independent counsel to look into why I continue to do absolutely nothing in the face of mounting evidence against this reckless, unethical, and potentially compromised White House,” said McCain, passionately arguing that his disturbing pattern of inaction in regards to the Trump administration raises “deeply troubling questions” about his own motivations. “Without a thorough inquiry empowered to go wherever the facts may lead, I’m afraid we’ll never get to the bottom of why my opposition to this madness amounts to little more than the mildest of criticisms on Meet The Press. The fact that I essentially rubber-stamp this president’s agenda despite a reputation for integrity and independence simply doesn’t add up, and the time has come to find out once and for all what’s really going on with me.” At press time, McCain insisted that a special investigation was not necessary, a statement that McCain said only lent credence to his darkest suspicions.


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