SIMI VALLEY, CA—Having rummaged through a cluttered backstage closet for nearly half an hour in an effort to locate its elegantly curved lavender form, stage manager Paul Guzman is said to have finally pulled the GOP’s official ladies’ podium out of storage for Carly Fiorina ahead of Wednesday night’s Republican primary debate. “This thing was way back there jammed behind some sound equipment—I honestly didn’t think we’d be using it this year,” said Guzman as he brushed dust away from the floral-patterned carvings on the front of the lectern, which stands several inches shorter than the other podiums and features a lift-up vanity mirror, four delicate finials, and an upholstered velvet work surface for holding debate notes and personal accessories. “It’s always kind of a pain to drag this out, but at least we only need one of them. Plus, this is probably the last time we’ll have to use it this year.” Guzman noted that, on the positive side, he wouldn’t have to spend any extra time wiring up the GOP’s ladies’ podium, as it doesn’t contain a microphone.

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