Group Of Christie Campaign Deserters Found In Forest

SHAMONG, NJ—Huddling together around fires of burning yard signs while sipping small rations of soup from mugs adorned with the phrase “Telling It Like It Is,” a ragged encampment of advisers, pollsters, and volunteers who deserted Chris Christie’s presidential campaign was reportedly found living deep in a New Jersey forest Friday, authorities confirmed. “When the first of us fled out here months ago, we had nothing but the ‘Christie 2016’ apparel on our backs, but over time we’ve been able to build a community and welcome in the scores more just like us who arrive each day,” said former media strategist Melissa Ulm, adding that the continuous increase in the camp’s population has forced its residents to construct dozens of tents from campaign banners and microphone stands patched together with Chris Christie bumper stickers. “Our supplies were nearly depleted by the wave of deserters that arrived after the second debate—many of us were forced to chew on tote bags for sustenance. Thankfully, we were able to make it through that difficult time, and we aren’t expecting too many more to show up, as there are only a handful of staffers left on the outside.” At press time, a party from the makeshift settlement was laying siege to a nearby encampment of Rick Santorum deserters in an effort to steal their “Choose Life” sweatshirts for the long winter ahead.

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