Highlights Of The 2020 Democratic National Convention

Illustration for article titled Highlights Of The 2020 Democratic National Convention

The 2020 Democratic National Convention concluded Thursday evening after four days of video speeches with the nomination of Joe Biden for president. The Onion looks at the most significant moments from the 2020 Democratic National Convention.

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Heartfelt speeches from Democratic Party rising stars including Mike Bloomberg, John Kasich, and Colin Powell.

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Biden presented as America’s only option for president by multiple other options.

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Successful attainment of 81.4% of diversity and inclusion prerequisites.


Not a single mention of the global helium shortage.


Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez making the most of the 60 syllables she was allotted.


Barack Obama highlights massive responsibility of directing the White House chef, a highly funded chef capable of cooking any meal at any time of day, and how Joe Biden has what it takes to oversee the White House kitchen.

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Some pretty solid car commercials.


Bill Clinton touting Biden’s moral character by recounting all the times he decided not to tag along on Jeffrey Epstein’s private jet.

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Video featuring Biden’s 2020 competitors sullied by obvious snub of Michael Bennet.

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Repeated emphasis on how this election is the same as every other.

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