The second round of the Democratic presidential debates pitted the top 20 polling candidates against each other across two nights in Detroit. The Onion highlights the most important takeaways from the second Democratic debates.


CNN moderators scolding candidates for straying from entertaining personal attacks.

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Sparks flying between Joe Biden and Kamala Harris as they argued over who personally threw more people in jail.

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Audiences continuing to tune out Andrew Yang’s boring, wonky obsession with robot apocalypse.

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Patriotic challenge round where candidates recite Pledge of Allegiance going around in a circle one word at a time.

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Moderator Jake Tapper straight-up asking candidates to name which country they’d nuke first.

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Julian Castro given chance to steal debate point after Cory Booker flubs question on immigration policy.

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Elizabeth Warren and Bernie Sanders avoiding CNN’s brazen attempts at turning the debates into something fun to watch.

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Biden pausing during answer on climate change trying to remember what he’s supposed to think now.

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In an act of protest, Jay Inslee boycotts event and sends an endangered Redwood tree to speak on his behalf.

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Progressives engaging in self-defeating strategy of acting like Barack Obama was not a king among men, perfection on high, all praises be unto him.

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Biden turning to Tulsi Gabbard and saying “I thought you were an angel when you first walked in” several times throughout the night.

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Clear winner once again people who did something else with their time.

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