With seemingly every new poll showing changes in the Democratic race and competitive polling between leading Democratic challengers and President Trump, every campaign is searching for ways to improve its polling numbers. The Onion breaks down what each candidate can do to get their numbers up.


Joe Biden:

Remind voters he’s only had two previous presidential campaigns to figure this all out.

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Marianne Williamson:

Open up to voters by revealing offbeat, quirky side.


Bernie Sanders:

Ramp up outreach to the chronically ignored demographic of MSNBC and CNN pundits.

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Cory Booker:

Another Hamptons speech or two ought to do it.


Andrew Yang:

What do you have to lose? Bump it to 2K a month.


John Delaney:

Emphasize background running profitable healthcare company to ensure Americans firmly associate him with current state of nation’s healthcare.

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Tom Steyer:

Significantly raise average own campaign donation.


Kamala Harris:

Pace herself while rest of the candidates who don’t stand for anything drop out.


Elizabeth Warren:

Put her money where her mouth is and decapitate a banker.

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