The 2016 election cycle is shaping up to be the most expensive in American history, with most presidential candidates already having raised tens of millions of dollars for their respective campaigns. Here is a breakdown of just how that money is spent:

  • $1.2 million: Voter focus groups to gain insight into what combination of elitist snob and uneducated bumpkin citizens are looking for
  • $175,000: Legal settlement for unsanctioned use of 38 Special’s “Hold On Loosely” at campaign events
  • $3,800: Rent and utilities for former Sleepy’s storefront in Urbandale, IA
  • $180,000: Medical care to treat poster cuts, podium bruises, and other campaign injuries
  • $10 million: Online ads capable of being closed with one click
  • $5,000: Removal of candidate’s old tattoos
  • $40 million: Salaries for volunteer grassroots supporters
  • $20: Offering basket donation at First Baptist Church of Des Moines
  • $350,000: Ad laying out grand, soaring vision for the future of the United States aired during American Ninja Warrior commercial break
  • $730 million: Getting Americans to vaguely recognize candidate’s name

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