On Tuesday, Congress began holding confirmation hearings to evaluate the fitness of President-elect Donald Trump’s cabinet nominees for their offices. Here is a step-by-step guide to the confirmation hearing process.


STEP 1:

Prospective nominees are vetted to ensure their history of racially charged remarks has not been videotaped


STEP 2:

Name of nominee is submitted for approval to relevant Senate committees and lobbying firms

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STEP 3:

Nominee desperately tries to get parrot to stop repeating “I haven’t paid taxes in decades” before investigators show up

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STEP 4:

Each nominee receives a financial evaluation, louse check, and thorough scrub-down prior to standing before a committee

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STEP 5:

Nominee is questioned extensively about why they would even choose to accept this position

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STEP 6:

Personal references called


STEP 7:

Questionable civil rights record given a pass because 20 years was a long time ago

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STEP 8:

Rapid-fire round where senators see how many appointments they can confirm in 60 seconds

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STEP 9:

Elizabeth Warren just has a few more questions


STEP 10:

Senators admit nominee seems like a dick but hasn’t done anything explicitly against the law

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STEP 11:

The nightmare begins

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