Currently in negotiations with the European Central Bank, Greece faces an uncertain future as it attempts to prevent financial collapse in the midst of its debt crisis. Here are some potential ways Greece could solve its economic woes:

  • Try renting out extra space above Thessaloniki to bring in more income
  • Avoid frivolous spending on things like health care and a national infrastructure
  • Appoint a special finance minister charged with groveling at Angela Merkel’s feet
  • Increase number of hourly tours of Parthenon
  • See if populace can think up another new branch of science, form of government, philosophical mode of thought, or basis for Western culture that can be licensed for quick cash
  • Plunder the Turks
  • Place tourism ads in Golf Digest and Woman’s Day magazines
  • Finally end Greece’s outdated practice of paying Rome a 30 million denarii tribute each year
  • Patiently remind creditors that money is just a social construct that holds no intrinsic value
  • 10.8 million cups of hemlock

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