The Onion provides helpful tips on how to avoid conflict with family and friends when discussing the thorny topic of politics.
- First things first: Leave the car running in the driveway.
- Begin any counterpoint by irately screaming “I respectfully disagree!” inches from your loved one’s face.
- Don’t languish in a circular argument. The quicker you can draw parallels between your friend’s opinion and militant fascism, the quicker you’ll win.
- Be considerate when your views differ from those of close family members. You’ll find they’re more receptive to your opinions if you preface them with a long, wet raspberry.
- Listen twice as much as you talk, and talk twice as much as you wave a gun in the air.
- Your grandmother has lived a lot more life than you have. Who knows? Maybe gays really were godless filth in the ’40s.
- Wait until the perfect moment to deploy your ace in the hole: that you read about this very topic somewhere just recently.
- Always remain open to the possibility that you’re wrong about how much you respect your father.
- Regularly remind yourself not to let political differences affect your personal relationship with your family. That’s the job of your grandfather’s estate.