Examine exact replica of a laptop to get inside the head of a real computer user


Encourage Americans to save sensitive documents to the desktop and send computer via courier to intended recipient

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Shrink Rudy Giuliani down to size of microchip to infiltrate terror organizations’ hard drives


Create cabinet-level Secretary of Cybersecurity position to be helmed by octogenarian textile magnate

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Motivate intelligence community by continuing to delegitimize, undervalue everything they do