STAMPS, AR—Whistling “Hail To The Chief” as he flipped the coin into the air and caught it in his palm, Republican presidential candidate Mike Huckabee confirmed Friday that he had earned a nickel for his campaign by painting an elderly widow’s picket fence. “Hoo golly, when Ol’ Widow Parker said she’d pay me to whitewash her fence, I was nearabout gladder than a possum in a punkin patch,” said a smiling Huckabee, kissing the nickel before dropping it into an empty mayonnaise jar with the letters “PAC” scrawled on the side. “Widow Parker always tried to do right by me, tanned my hide a mess of times when I started raisin’ Cain, but she done civilized me. So faster than all get-out, I changed from my Sunday-go-t’meetin’ clothes, fetched my brush and pail, and painted that fence top to bottom, lickety-split.” Huckabee later confirmed that, on account of his speedy work, the widow had tipped him with a heaping plate of chitlins.
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