PARADISE, NV—Materializing through a dimensional portal in front of a stunned audience at the University of Nevada, Las Vegas, intergalactic law enforcement officers reportedly appeared onstage during Wednesday night’s presidential debate and placed a pair of glowing blue energy shackles on Democratic nominee Hillary Clinton. “Secretary Clinton, you have been found in violation of interstellar law and have been called to stand trial before the Galactic Conclave,” said the justice official from the Centaurus System while a pair of uniformed extraterrestrial enforcers grabbed the former first lady’s shoulders with their forelimbs and pincers and escorted her toward the rippling space-time rift from which they had entered. “By order of the Nebulon Federation, you will depart with us at once to the Halls of Justice on Axio Prime, where you will await judgment for your crimes. If convicted, you face up to 900 cycles of hard labor within the comet mines of Zorlon B.” At press time, Clinton’s campaign team had issued a press statement referring to the criminal charges as “more baseless accusations” and assuring voters that the candidate has always complied with all transcosmic protocols.
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