PLAINS, GA—As he continues to rest and recover following a brush with the ailment earlier this week, former President Jimmy Carter announced Thursday he would spend the remainder of his life educating people about the fact that men, too, routinely suffer from urinary tract infections. “This isn’t just an issue that affects women: Every urethra is delicate and susceptible, with roughly one in 10 men contracting a UTI at some point during their life,” said the 39th president of the United States, confirming he would immediately sever ties with Habitat for Humanity and terminate the Carter Center’s long-running program to eradicate Guinea worm disease in order to focus solely on the promotion of healthy male urinary tracts. “This painful affliction is often misdiagnosed, so if you feel a sharp burning sensation when urinating or notice an unfamiliar discharge in your urine, make sure you get tested. It’s nothing to be embarrassed about, and there’s no reason to live in discomfort when treatment is readily available. They give you some pills and it clears right up.” At press time, Carter was reportedly going from stall door to stall door in a public men’s room, where he urged occupants to reduce their risk of a UTI by drinking plenty of fluids and keeping the tip of their penis clean and dry.
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