Illustration for article titled John Kerry Throws Vine Over Pit Of Quicksand To Save Child Companion

PANGSAU, MYANMAR—Thinking quickly to thwart disaster as he ventured deep into the Myanmar rainforest to meet with State Councilor Aung San Suu Kyi, Secretary of State John Kerry threw a vine over a pit of quicksand to save the life of his 12-year-old Moroccan companion, Drumstick, sources confirmed Monday. “Grab on, kid!” said Kerry, flinging the makeshift lifeline he had hacked off a tree with his machete to the rapidly sinking boy, an orphan who reportedly has tagged along with the American diplomat ever since helping him escape from Marrakesh police in 2013 via a series of hidden backstreets. “For a minute there, I thought I was going to lose you. I don’t know what I would’ve done with all that peace and quiet.” According to sources, the incident marks Drumstick’s closest brush with death since riding in a runaway mine cart in South Africa last year.

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