Illustration for article titled Kavanaugh Claims He Never Committed Sexual Assault As It Will Be Defined After Future Supreme Court Caseem/em

WASHINGTON—Speaking before the Senate Judiciary Committee, Brett Kavanaugh defended himself against accusations of misconduct Thursday with claims that he never committed sexual assault as it will come to be defined in a future Supreme Court case. “The allegations that I assaulted these women are categorically untrue based on the 2019 case of Sandberg v. Jones, which will establish that only penetrative sex can be classified as assault, and then only in cases with up to four eye-witnesses,” said Kavanaugh, arguing that the upcoming 5-4 decision in which he will write the majority opinion would completely exonerate him. “Admittedly, there are things from my past that cause me to cringe, but I have never done anything that could be considered illegal based on this landmark ruling that will come up in the next few months. Furthermore, these accusations are largely irrelevant as they fall significantly outside the soon-to-be-established statute of limitations of two weeks following an alleged incident.” Kavanaugh added that this whole ordeal had been extremely trying for him and his family, and he looked forward to pursuing legal action against Christine Blasey Ford for violating forthcoming laws against defaming a federal judge.

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