WASHINGTON—Fearing for his safety after an incident with Fred Guttenberg the previous day, Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh was reportedly packing a gun at his Senate hearing Wednesday in case the father of a Parkland shooting victim tried to shake his hand again. “If that son-of-a-bitch comes up and threatens to greet me one more time, he’s got another thing coming,” said a jumpy Kavanaugh, who concealed a semi-automatic pistol in his belt to protect himself against the gun control activist as he appeared before the Senate Judiciary Committee, reaching toward the firearm several times believing he saw Guttenberg approaching to introduce himself out of the corner of his vision. “I’m not going to sit here unable to defend myself against people trying to meet me—I know my Second Amendment rights. This is my confirmation hearing, and if that bastard comes at me again, I’m going to blow off his damn hand.” At press time, a frightened Kavanaugh had grabbed his gun to stand his ground against a threatening black man and shot Senator Cory Booker.

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