The House of Representatives approved articles of impeachment against President Donald Trump on December 18, 2019, then sent those articles to the Senate for a formal trial, a process that has involved a whirlwind of figures from Congress, the legal world, and Trump’s orbit. The Onion provides a guide to the key players in Trump’s impeachment trial.

Hunter Biden:

Lovable ne’er-do-well scamp.

Ken Starr:

Trump’s defense attorney is expected to argue against statements made during the Clinton impeachment by special prosecutor Ken Starr.


Mitch McConnell:

Honestly kind of bored by this cakewalk.

Devin Nunes:

A staunch defender of the president, the Republican congressman has a deep connection to the case both as an investigator and co-conspirator.

Mitt Romney:

GOP senator considered most likely to make the loudest sigh before acquitting Trump.


Chuck Schumer:

The Senate minority leader wants to hear from witnesses in the White House, but we all want things we’ll never get.


Alan Dershowitz:

As a servant of the law, finds it impossible to sit on the sidelines while a wealthy sex predator faces consequences.


John Bolton:

Trump’s former advisor has agreed to offer explosive testimony against the president for $5 per word.


Nancy Pelosi:

The hesitant speaker of the House eventually pushed through articles of impeachment, while making it clear she never thought through any of this.


Donald Trump:

Donald Trump is the 45th and current president of the United States.

Adam Schiff:

As the lead impeachment manager, there was no better choice to provide the heavy-handedness, Russia hysteria, and whiff of corruption the Democrats needed to ensure the nation tuned out.


Mrs. Wintersby:

The longtime White House maid is said to have been a witness to many of the events in question. But is she more than she seems?


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