President Donald Trump will receive the Republican Party’s nomination for president, and his reelection campaign against his eventual Democratic challenger is already well underway. The Onion takes a look at the key priorities for Trump going into his reelection campaign.
Remind voters of achievements from first 10 years in office.
Renew broadly popular campaign tactics like humiliating Ted Cruz and his family.
Just the right amount of God.
Expand electoral map beyond GOP’s usual voter-suppression strongholds.
Appeal to immigrant communities by saying he was just kidding.
Massive campaign of graft, nepotism, and conflicts of interest has worked so far.
Check if anyone’s compiled credible evidence of corruption to use against Joe Biden.
Maintain steady flow of marginally related words during speeches.
Tout ability to work across aisle with Democrats on raising defense budgets, hurting American workers, and confirming Supreme Court justices.
Try not to take whole thing too seriously and just have fun with it.