Illustration for article titled Lions, Zebras, Giraffes Run Off Cliff Shrieking En Masse As Shadow Of Melania Trump’s Jet Passes Over Savannaem/em

DABOYA, GHANA—Birds fell from the sky, meerkats devoured their young, and shrieking packs of lions, zebras, and baboons reportedly ran off cliffs in staggering numbers as the shadow of Melania Trump’s jet passed over the African savanna Tuesday. Sources confirmed that as the plane carrying the first lady moved across the sky high above the grasslands, herds of wildebeests were spotted stampeding directly into each other, their hoofbeats drowned out by the deafening sound of snapping bones, while a nearby pair of giraffes was seen ripping apart a screeching hyena. According to reports, the severed hyena then attempted to drown itself by dragging the top half of its body to a watering hole, which was thick with the blood of a dozen hippopotamuses that appeared to be eagerly devouring their own entrails. After the aircraft disappeared over the horizon, the hysteria reportedly ended and the savanna quickly returned to normal, with vultures descending upon the thousands of carcasses that lay rotting in the first lady’s wake.


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