Illustration for article titled ‘Low-Energy Jeb,’ Whispers Jeb Bush Sitting Alone In Dark Watching Televised Trump Speech

CORAL GABLES, FL—Staring unblinkingly ahead Thursday night as Donald Trump’s presidential acceptance speech at the Republican National Convention played on the television in front of him, former GOP candidate Jeb Bush reportedly whispered “Low-Energy Jeb” to himself while sitting alone in the dark. “Low-Energy Jeb; Low-Energy Jeb,” the two-term governor of Florida is said to have quietly mumbled under his breath, his expressionless, stubble-covered face and stained T-shirt lit only by the flickering glow of the TV set while he sat on the sofa in his basement rec room, a day-old and half-empty Chinese food takeout container sitting on the side table next to him as he fixedly watched his former competitor in the presidential race speak to a packed arena. “Weak candidate. Weak. By far the weakest of the lot.” At press time, a faint smile had curled across the onetime presidential frontrunner’s chapped lips as he muttered a fully memorized victory speech aloud, thanking the people of Iowa for their resounding support and telling a nonexistent crowd of supporters that they had launched him on his path to the White House.

Share This Story

Get our newsletter