Illustration for article titled Loyal Senator Still Lying Patiently In Spot Where Beloved Bill Died

WASHINGTON—In a scene that congressional staffers have called heartbreaking and difficult to witness, sources within the Capitol reported today that Sen. Patrick Leahy (D-VT) is still lying patiently at the spot where S. 2685, the USA Freedom Act, died in the Senate chamber several weeks ago. “He just lays there all day curled up in a ball on the floor and sometimes scratches at the podium, like he’s waiting for it to come back up for vote again,” Sen. Debbie Stabenow (D-MI) said of the NSA surveillance reform bill, explaining that Leahy had been especially close to the legislation since the day it was drafted. “He’s there when we arrive in the chamber each morning, and he’s there when we leave. We all remember how much affection and devotion he had toward that data privacy bill, so it must have been very traumatizing for him when it was suddenly struck down on a cloture vote. Poor little guy.” Legislators added that the senator still perks up his head whenever he hears a gavel banging in the hope that his beloved bill is being reintroduced on the floor.


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