Michael Bloomberg Treats Self To Second, Flashier Presidential Campaign

NEW YORK—Explaining that he felt he had earned a little indulgence, Democratic candidate Michael Bloomberg confirmed Tuesday that he had decided to treat himself to a second, flashier presidential campaign. “Having one presidential campaign is nice and all, but I had some extra money lying around and decided to splurge on another first-class presidential campaign with all the bells and whistles,” said Bloomberg, adding that he planned to split time between his original campaign and his new luxury one, for which he’d already gotten the most expensive consultants, most luxurious campaign vehicles, and nicest website money can buy. “I know I don’t really need a second campaign, and it hasn’t even been that long since I bought my first one, but it’s the holidays, and I wanted to do something special for Mikey. It’s going to have a full campaign staff available around the clock, and there’s even going to be a movie theater in the headquarters where we can watch all my political ads. Voters are going to be blown away when they see it.” Bloomberg told reporters that he was also scouting sites for an additional international presidential campaign in a more exotic locale.

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