Many of the 435 U.S. House of Representatives midterm races are currently polling as toss-ups, with Democrats needing to win at least 24 extra seats to take back the House. The Onion takes a look at the key House races to watch in the midterms.
Andy Barr vs. Amy McGrath (Kentucky’s Sixth District):
Democrat McGrath, the first woman to fly F-18 combat missions for the Marine Corps, is somehow in a tight race with incumbent Republican Andy Barr, who has never even once killed for his country.
Erik Paulsen vs. Dean Phillips (Minnesota’s Third District):
Incumbent Republican Paulsen has been notably critical of Donald Trump and wrote in Marco Rubio for president in 2016, though it’s unclear why he thinks that’s something to be proud of.
Mimi Walters vs. Katie Porter (California’s 45th District):
Democrat Porter is challenging incumbent Republican Walters on an unapologetically progressive message that will serve as the final, irrefutable test of whether a left-wing platform can resonate with voters.
Carol Miller vs. Richard Ojeda (West Virginia’s Third District):
All Republican Miller needs to do to beat Democrat Ojeda is convince voters how fucking awesome it will be to have a bison farmer as their representative.
Guy You’re Pretty Sure Is The Incumbent vs. Guy You’re Pretty Sure Is The Challenger (Your District):
Look, you’ll figure this out for sure before Election Day, okay? It’s been a busy few months.
John Faso v. Antonio Delgado (New York’s 19th District):
Republicans in this race are experimenting with the novel strategy of trying to appeal to voters who may be uncomfortable with the Democratic candidate’s ethnicity.
Dave Brat vs. Abigail Spanberger (Virginia’s Seventh District):
Democrats hope to stave off the challenge by the former federal law enforcement officer and CIA operative funded by real estate interests who...wait, that’s the Democrat? Christ. Why are they so bad at this?
Tom MacArthur vs. Andrew Kim (New Jersey’s Third District):
Over 1,900 residents have already been hospitalized for respiratory issues and second-degree chemical burns resulting from Democrat Kim’s efforts to turn the district blue.
John Culberson vs. Lizzie Pannill Fletcher (Texas’ Seventh District):
One of a number of thrilling, nail-biter races across the country that will likely come down to whether Trump happens to say something especially morally reprehensible within 24 hours of Election Day.