WASHINGTON—Spanning nearly half of a city block as they rallied to support the freedoms of unscrupulous citizens, the nation’s 30 fraudulent voters reportedly marched on Washington, D.C. Sunday to restore the Voting Rights Act. “It is crucial for our great nation to protect the rights of every single citizen who wants to vote more than once,” Miami resident Tanya Bruton said to the assembled mass of more than two dozen Americans who were protesting policies that have made voting under a false name far more difficult. “The erosion of these rights is the only thing keeping .000001 percent of Americans from heading to polling places and stuffing ballot boxes. We will not stop fighting until these restrictions are lifted.” At press time, sources confirmed that the chants of the nation’s entire fraudulent voter population were drowned out by a large group of eighth graders on a field trip.

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