Nation’s Bland, Ineffectual White Supremacists Waiting For Signal From Pence

Illustration for article titled Nation’s Bland, Ineffectual White Supremacists Waiting For Signal From Pence

WASHINGTON—Ready to spring into action at a moment’s notice, the nation’s bland, ineffectual white supremacists confirmed Friday they were just waiting for the signal from Vice President Mike Pence. “Just give us the word, and we’ll shake our heads while murmuring, ‘This country isn’t what it used to be,’” said 41-year-old father of three Thomas Strom, who spoke on behalf of the country’s millions of milquetoast white nationalists, warning they were mobilized at their dinner tables, living room couches, and desktop computer keyboards. “Vice President Pence, we’re fully prepared to complain about virtue signaling on our Facebook accounts and harrumph behind strangers in line at the grocery store. We’re poised to roll our eyes when someone brings up Spanish class at the next PTA meeting and stare at the minorities at the gas station. You can count on us, sir. We have your back.” At press time, the nation’s bland white supremacists had frantically scrambled in all directions after a Black man looked at them.

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