WASHINGTON—Saying they vaguely remembered the presidential candidate making the statement in front of a large rally but that they might be mistaken, citizens across the country were reportedly unable to recall Tuesday if Donald Trump had promised to personally fund abortion clinic bombings or if that just sounded right. “I thought I had a pretty clear memory of Trump saying something about funneling money to anyone who volunteered to blow up a Planned Parenthood, but maybe that just seems like a claim he might make and I’m getting mixed up—so I guess I’m not really sure if he said it or not,” said Somerset, NJ resident Anna Chung, who, like millions of her fellow citizens, believed she had maybe read a tweet from Trump laying out his willingness to finance a string of anti-abortion firebombing attacks, before conceding that her recollection might have been confused with another of the presumptive GOP nominee’s public comments. “I can’t recall exactly where or when—so maybe I’m thinking of a totally different statement—but I could have sworn that at some point I heard Trump repeatedly offer to put up the money for someone to detonate a pipe bomb inside a women’s health clinic or at an abortion doctor’s residence. Maybe he vowed to cover the expense of all the bomber’s legal fees during one of the primary debates. Who knows?” At press time, the U.S. populace was reportedly unable to remember if Trump had called for banning all Muslims from entering the country or if that also just sounded like something he could have said.
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