Illustration for article titled New Report Finds Voters Have No Idea How Outraged They Supposed To Be About Anything Anymore

WASHINGTON—Saying that at this point, they were just taking their best guesses at how they should react to each new scandal that emerged about the presidential nominees, voters across the country admitted Monday they had no clue how outraged they are supposed to be about anything anymore. “It seems like there’s a new revelation that comes out each day about Trump or Hillary, and to be honest, I couldn’t even begin to tell you which ones I should just shake my head at and which ones are worth actually getting worked up about,” said Tempe, AZ voter Jeffrey Wilborne, who noted that between the recent breaking news alerts he received about the FBI reopening an investigation into Clinton’s emails just days ahead of the election and the barrage of apoplectic posts from friends on Facebook aimed at either the Democratic candidate or the FBI director, it was hard enough to tell which side to actually be resentful toward, let alone how angry to get. “I felt like it was pretty clear that I should be mad at Trump for what he said on that bus and at Hillary for telling Wall Street completely different things than she was telling us. But what about all that Clinton Foundation stuff? Should I be furious or just let that slide? I’m completely lost over here.” At press time, the nation’s electorate had settled on being completely apathetic to everything from here on out.

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