GREENSBORO, NC—Admitting that it was difficult to keep up with all the different races, North Carolina voter Darin McDonough told reporters Tuesday that he was somehow voting for the Montana Senate and the mayor of Phoenix, AZ in his heavily gerrymandered district. “Man, there is a lot of confusing stuff on here. I’m not really that familiar with the Wyoming governor’s race, and I have no idea which of these Michigan judges to vote for,” said McDonough, who said the two candidates to represent his North Carolina district in Congress were listed as being a Nebraska Republican and a New Hampshire Democrat. “I’m definitely voting yes on this ballot measure to legalize marijuana in North Dakota, but I’m not sure about approving a tax hike for this bridge in Mississippi. Maybe I’ll just play it safe and vote straight party-line for city council in Pittsburgh, Lubbock, and Anchorage.” At press time, a judge had upheld the legality of McDonough’s congressional district, which covers an acre-wide strip of land zig-zagging across the country.

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