Obama’s Post-Presidency Plans

Illustration for article titled Obama’s Post-Presidency Plans

With his two-term presidency drawing to a close, Barack Obama has been meeting with several high-profile public figures to determine the trajectory of his post–White House legacy. Here are some of the proposed plans:

  • One nice, long drag on cigarette in full view of cameras
  • Implement prison reform by building and managing the Obama Presidential Supermax
  • Send Bo and Sunny straight to the pound
  • Finally getting around to signing up for health insurance
  • Share thoughts on current events by hosting The Big O Show on SiriusXM from 8 to 11 a.m. on weekdays
  • Spend year following Ted Nugent tour across country
  • Run for alderman of Chicago’s 17th Ward
  • Kick back and watch as signature legislation slowly dismantled
  • Freely address criminal justice reform, race relations, and other national issues now that he’s no longer constrained by holding country’s most powerful office
  • Rebuild strained relationships with wife and children
  • Slowly wade into the ocean surf, letting the sea claim his body