INDIVIDUAL MANDATE:

Obamacare: Those who don’t obtain health insurance are penalized

GOP’s Plan: Those who don’t obtain impeccable health are penalized


PREEXISTING CONDITIONS:

Obamacare: Americans covered regardless of preexisting conditions

GOP’s Plan: Insurers no longer forced to cover Americans stricken with condition of poverty

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PERMITS INSURANCE COMPANIES TO FUCK AMERICANS OVER:

Obamacare: Yes

GOP’s Plan: Yes


HEALTH SAVINGS ACCOUNTS:

Obamacare: Allows individuals to deposit up to $3,400 and families up to $6,750 into tax-free health savings account

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GOP’s Plan: Every savings account now a health savings account


AVERAGE COST OF HOSPITAL VISIT:

Obamacare: Devastating

GOP’s Plan: Ruinous


BEST UNDERSTOOD VIA SERIES OF SIDE-BY-SIDE BULLET POINT COMPARISONS:

Obamacare: Yeah

GOP’s Plan: Of course


OBJECTIVE:

Obamacare: Relieve patients of high healthcare costs

GOP’s Plan: Relieve insurance companies of high healthcare costs


COVERAGE OF CHILDREN:

Obamacare: Creates unacceptable culture of entitlement by allowing children to stay on parents’ plan until age of 26

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GOP’s Plan: Unchanged


FREEZING BODY TO BE THAWED OUT AND REVIVED BY FUTURE GENERATIONS:

Obamacare: Not covered

GOP’s Plan: Not covered


ASSOCIATION WITH DEMOCRATIC PRESIDENT THAT PREVENTS REPUBLICANS FROM SUPPORTING LAW:

Obamacare: Yes

GOP’s Plan: Nope!


OVERALL EFFECT:

Obamacare: Worst law in the history of the United States

GOP’s Plan: Slightly worse than that

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