On The Campaign Trail With Dennis Kucinich

Illustration for article titled On The Campaign Trail With Dennis Kucinich

Despite trailing every other Democratic presidential candidate in the polls, Dennis Kucinich is still campaigning actively. Here is a sample day on the campaign trail with Kucinich:

Illustration for article titled On The Campaign Trail With Dennis Kucinich
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6:45–7:00 a.m.: Unbuckle self from underside of the Straight Talk Express bus

7:45–7:50 a.m.: Gaze sympathetically at fly being shooed away from stack of syrup-slathered waffles

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Noon–12:15 p.m.: Break down in tears in truck-stop bathroom, pull self together

3:00–3:30 p.m.: Stand in cornfield whispering policy to scarecrow

5:15–8:30 p.m.: Drive around South Carolina looking for vegan-friendly restaurant

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8:45–9:15 p.m.: Pick John Edwards' brain

10:30–10:45 p.m.: Drop everything and call campaign headquarters to see if Leno, Letterman, O'Brien, Stewart, or Colbert called

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