BERLIN—Leaping at the chance to never again deal with the U.S. after North Korea’s disparaging remarks towards the vice president, leaders from the other 193 nations of the world began insulting Mike Pence Thursday in hopes of avoiding future meetings with President Donald Trump. “Mike Pence is just a dumbfuck partisan hack who doesn’t have the faintest clue about international relations or running a country,” said German Chancellor Angela Merkel, joining nearly 200 other presidents and prime ministers who mercilessly degraded Pence as “cowardly,” “full of crap,” and “repulsive” in a concerted effort to stave off any more direct contact with Trump or have him ever visit their countries. “Mike Pence was a shit governor of a shit state, and he’s as incompetent as he is ugly. Just a pandering, feckless asshole with the personality and intelligence of roadkill. Meeting him in person was one of the worst encounters of our lives—he and his whole family can go fuck themselves.” World leaders finished their comments by adding that if there were any justice in the world, Mike Pence would rot away alone in the dank halls of a federal penitentiary.
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