DES MOINES, IA—In an effort to accommodate the tremendous influx of presidential candidates pouring into the state, Iowa Republican Party officials announced Tuesday the construction of a massive town hall stadium to play host to the campaigning. “Our state’s current gymnasium and VFW hall infrastructure is simply insufficient to handle the sheer volume of stump speeches and Q&A sessions that we expect from this vast field of GOP candidates, but this 2.3-million-square-foot arena will help meet that demand,” said Iowa Republican Party chairman Jeff Kaufmann, adding that the immense town hall stadium will have enough space for 80,000 folding chairs and a large central stage capable of holding all 16 Republican candidates at once. “This state-of-the-art politicking facility will be outfitted with over 30,000 microphones and microphone stands, allowing the multitude of GOP presidential hopefuls to field pre-approved questions from the audience.” Kaufmann added that the town hall stadium would also be a boon to the local economy, providing hundreds of jobs for maintenance technicians, engineers, security personnel, event coordinators, guest relations liaisons, and a minimum of a dozen moderators.

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